In my journal this morning I wrote, " I don't know how to love myself & be on my path, while also loving and supporting the people, purposes & passions that make my world so beautiful."
I'm at the crossroads of a big, hairy, scary growth edge. Over the last 2 years or so I've been unraveling the beliefs I have around what it means to be a good woman, a good mother, a good neighbor, a good friend, a good leader..... a good fill-in-the-blank with any role a woman traditionally takes on.
My long-held beliefs truly boil down to this: I am supposed to be a martyr for the things I love. I am to be small, unwanting, and accommodating until it is absolutely necessary for me to be big, provocative, and intimidating. I am only worthy of time, attention, and love if I am providing value and being of service to others.
Talk about some bullsh*t.
So here I am. Knowing that my beliefs are toxic, but having no idea how to change them or what my world might look like when I do. Who will I be? How will I show up? What will my relationships look like? Who will be left? or scarier yet, will anybody be left?
This is the "and/both" of growth edges. This is where I have to simultaneously hold space for my knowing and my not knowing. My believing there is a better way and my fear that there isn't.
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